Learn How to Control
Anger in a Relationship
Can you recall what anger in a
relationship feels like? Anger is a learned reaction to
something negative in a situation, often referred to as
a trigger. Itís best described as an unbridled horse.
For instance, if you do not take control, it is likely
to control you.
I would like you to think about what
provokes your anger. Make a list of your specific anger
triggers. Now, look at your list and think of additional
ways to help deal with stressful situations. This simple
exercise will help you to recognize and then admit to your
Keep in mind that anger is controllable
and a choice that you can choose to do something about if
you want. If you tell your spouse or partner when you are
angry, then it will help avoid a situation that could be
otherwise pushed to the boiling point.
Are you beginning to see how choosing to
control your anger is an important first step?
Now I want you to go deep into your own
mind and visualize the signs when you are angry. Are you
trying to conceal your anger by using sarcastic remarks
toward your spouse or partner, wanting to lash out at
someone or just feeling altogether aggravated?
If you feel hot and flushed and your heart
is pounding rapidly, there is a good possibility youíre
angry. Other signs of anger include feeling tense or your
head is throbbing because your blood pressure is
skyrocketing. Stop yourself! Calm down before you say or do
anything you are going to regret later.
When it comes to anger in a relationship,
always try to understand the other person's point of view.
Itís not easy to put yourself in someone else's shoes but it
can be done if you try hard. Be aware that the other person
does not enjoy your anger anymore than you do.
Just because you have a misunderstanding,
be willing to cut the person you love some slack whenever
possible. When you argue with your partner, do so in a
helpful manner. Never, ever call the other person names or
bring up experiences that happened in the past because it
can serve to drum up painful memories.
Never begin a sentence with "You
never," instead focus on explaining how you feel, such as by
saying, "I need" or "I want." This helps to deflect some of
the anger and doesn't put the other person on the defensive
Sometimes in order to keep the peace it is
necessary to walk away from a situation that is bringing up
angry feelings on both people's parts. Often getting away
from a situation will help you put it into perspective and
then after you feel better you can go back and set things
Donít let procrastination, hesitation or fear
stop you. You can easily control anger in a relationship by
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